Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
