the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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