Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
now i know why i became what i already was.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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