You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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