White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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