a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize