My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
