Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize