she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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