Moan for me like Helen Keller
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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