Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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