Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Bring me that man meat
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
