I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
