i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
