what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
