I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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