Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I did not marry a roomba.
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