Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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