Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
