I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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