I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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