He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
