I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
