My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
