I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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