Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
