dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
