dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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