You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
