WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
