please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
