Soap is not a condiment
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I understand Curling. That high.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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