Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
