I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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