she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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