there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
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