I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
