Taylor Swift is so right about you.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
