I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
