my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Randomize
