1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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