I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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