I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
