so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
