hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
