he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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