it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
