Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
