Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
