The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i just sent this text using only my big toe
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
