you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize