don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
