3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
