I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
