im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
