I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
