my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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