i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
