Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
