pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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