listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
