using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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