Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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