2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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