Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
