I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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