I think my fart just growled at me.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
