Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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