Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
