I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
