barbara walters just said penis...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
