well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
