1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
