How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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