The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
