is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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