ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
