just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
