I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize