I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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