Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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