he puts the penis in happiness.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
