I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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