I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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