so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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