then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You took a bar mat shot.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
