HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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