If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
