You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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