I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
this will be a night to untag.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
