I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize