i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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