By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
