Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
