I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
