can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
