it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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