I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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