Whod you bang
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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