We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
