Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize