But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
