yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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