dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
