Nicole vs. Life
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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