I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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