She announced her abortion via fbk
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
