if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
