Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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